Some people get their life
instructions from little books about chicken soup. I get mine from watching Robots banter with
movies on satellites. But what have they
taught me? Read on to find out.
10: You Don’t Have to Accept What Life Dishes Out At You: “It’s
just fiction, I mean, you don’t have to accept the ending they hand you.” –
Joel in Girl in Lovers’ Lane.
9: Beware Life’s Padding: “We’re born, we die, and there’s a lot of
padding in the middle.” – Crow T. Robot in Hellcats.
8: True Love is Not Dependent on Looks, But The Integrity Within:
See: Crow’s crushes on Estelle Winwood In The Sword and the Dragon and Kim
Catral in City Limits and, Tom’s affection for the Creepy Girl in Catalina
Caper.
7: It’s Never Too Late To Start All Over Again: Even if you have to
do it as a Quatarian dictator, pure energy or a star baby.
6: You Don’t Need Anyone To Understand You As Long As You Have
Self-Confidence: “Nobody gets me!
I’m like the wind, baby!” – Tom Servo
5: Anything Can be Fixed with a
Peppy song About Drywall: Even the sensation of having sat through a
turgid, draggy, Coleman Francis film.
4: Even Evil Has Standards: And that standard is Manos: The Hands
of Fate
3: Sometimes the Greatest Sacrifices Are Worth It: And sometimes sacrificing the sole escape
pod on the ship so your creator can jet to safety nets you a cool new friend
and a sweet garden apartment in Minnesota.
2: The Good Should Be Rewarded: Be they with hamburger sammidges, a
sweet hot fish shop or eternity as a soultaker in second-banana heaven.
1: Don’t Expect Evil to Change Its Spots: “What do you want from
us?! WE’RE EVIL!” – Dr. F and TV’s Frank
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