If you ask someone where you
should start a binge watch of Mystery Science Theater 3000, they’ll probably
name one of these episode. Or, if they have more
obscure taste they’ll mention “Hobgoblins” or “The Lost Continent”, or anything
that’s gotten some kind of foothold on the fandom or in pop culture because of a meme. All of those episodes are amazing, don’t get
me wrong, but there are some really great
My rules for inclusion on this
list are simple: the episode has to be slightly more obscure than the ones
usually listed in top twenty or top ten MST episode lists; and they shouldn’t
contain a mematic catchphrase. I have made allowances, however, for episodes that contained a short with memetic features when the episode did not.
15: The Sinister Urge
Premise: Pornographer Gloria Henderson‘s “smut racket” is exposed by two laid back
detectives in an Ed Wood melodrama.
Inclusion Reasons: This is
such a great combination of fun host segments, a memorable short (“Keeping Neat
and Clean”, with its overly-instructive notes on hygiene and a ridiculously
cheesy movie (featuring the most conservative look at the world of pornography
ever). I’m surprised this one isn’t mentioned more
when MiSTies meet.
Episode Highlights: Gypsy’s “Darling” Shower;
“This fall on ABC! Get Courtney Love!”; “Film it all, Ed!”
14: Hellcats
Premise: A former army man joins forces with his late brother’s fiancée to take down the drug dealer who got him killed.
Inclusion Reasons: Of all of the drive-in quality movies the
show’s ripped apart, this one’s my favorite for the sweet riffing material it
provides. And hey, there’s even some room for a pretty wicked satire of sitcom tropes
as the cold-laden gang create diary entries that allow the team to include flashbacks
from previous episodes (a pretty brilliant idea considering it was invented to
mask the fact that most of the writing staff was out of town when they were
doing this episode’s host segments).
Episode Highlights: The commentary during the dance scene,
The bike/heroin song,The gang singsalong to the movie’s themesong
13: The Girl in Lover’s Lane
Premise: A teenage drifter and his older companion temporarily
settle in the town of Sherman. While
Danny searches for sex, Bix falls for waitress Carrie, who has unfortunately
drawn the attention of town stalker Jesse.
Will Bix risk more legal troubles defending Carrie?
Inclusion Reasons: On the
opposite end of the humor spectrum lies movies like this and High School Big
Shot, which are too darn depressing to be watched minus the robots’
riffing. They manage to leaven the pain
handily this time out, with lots of truly great riffs. The final host segment even teaches a
valuable lesson about following your own creative urges and being okay with
rejecting the endings given to you by writers of canons.
Episode Highlights: Doc Martins for Don Martin; “Sherman, nice little town.” “I’LL SAY!”;
“WE’RE DRIFTERS! HOW ABOUT YOU?!”; What a Pleasant Journey; The date and “date” scenes; The picnic scene;
the bots write fanfic for great justice
12: The Deadly Bees
Premise: Pop singer Vicki Robbins is sent to a small, isolated
island to recoup her mental health, only to discover that someone’s using
hormones to bate killer bees into some very unfriendly behavior.
Inclusion Reasons: This is
the most British movie the ‘bots have riffed yet, and they go to town on both
the stodginess of the film and the very 60s psychedelic tone of the piece. This
contains some truly classic host segments too.
Sadly copyright claims have kept full versions of this one off of
youtube and dvd, so check your local torrenting stations!
Episode Highlights: Previously on the Satellite of Love;
“Friendly swear words productions!”. “Guys, just skip the music and go right tothe heroin!”; The filthiest conversation ever; Honey bunches of DEATH
11: Village of the Giants
Premise: A bunch of out-of-town teenage bullies become giants
thanks to a lab accident committed by a kid quasi-genius, forcing the local
teens to team up and cut them back down to size.
Inclusion Reasons: The best
thing about Village of the Giants is that it absolutely refuses to take itself
seriously. Some terrible comedies mix
poorly with the Satellite of Love’s treatment, but others, like this and
Hobgoblins, manage to make the movie even more achingly funny. The episode also includes a great
series of host segments where Dr. F fires Frank, who deals horribly with
unemployment while Torgo flourishes as his replacement, and the immortal song
“Endless Frank”, a fitting tribute from Bridget and Mike Nelson to the
character, which is also fittingly played over an end title credit for the
then-recently passed Frank Zappa.
Episode Highlights: “Stop slanging! What are you saying?!” followed by a performance by the BeauBrummels;
Frank deals poorly with unemployment;
Endless Frank;
Tommy Kirk fights Beau Bridges, David and Goliath style
10: The Thing That Couldn’t Die
Premise: A water-divining psychic living on her aunt’s remote ranch
finds an ancient box containing a surprisingly well preserved and hypnotic head
of Warlock Gideon Drew, who soon starts to use the various ranch hands against
the young psychic in a quest to be reunited with his body and thus, his full
magical prowess.
Inclusion Reasons: For some
reason this episode’s slipped through the cracks in a lot of folks’ memories,
but I remember it being achingly funny when I last watched it (and this, like
the episode below, is frustratingly unavailable in its full form unless you
torrent it). MST3K did a lot of movies
about decapitated heads, but this one is its most unsung.
Episode Highlights: “Gidget, have you lain with the horned one again?”; “Did you maysure the traysure chest?; TheOklahoma Triptych; “Aunt Flavia!” “AuntFistula!” “Aunt Flatula!” “Aunt Calligula!”
9: The Violent Years
Premise: A bunch of teenagers
born of the neglectful upper strata of society decide to turn to lives of crime
out of boredom. Forming a successful
girls’ gang, they live the good life until a vandalism for hire case goes
horribly wrong.
Inclusion Reasons: Think of
this one as the negaverse version of I Accuse My Parents; crappy, self-absorbed
addict parents produce troubled children, but instead of Jimmy managing to
salvage himself via true love and essay contests, you have ugly rape scenes and
anti-Communist propaganda, not to mention punishment via. Another dark-themed short that’s made
leagues better by a misting, even with some unfortunate It’s Not Rape If It’s
Woman on Man troping in the riffs. Also includes the hopelessly square and
retro-sexist cooking-centric dating short “A Young Man’s Fancy” and some great
host segments.
Episode Highlights: Livin’ In Deep Thirteen;
Young Man’s Fancy;
Turn Your Crank…to Frank!;
the girls meet Sheila, and Crow is shocked by the introduction of the communism plot;
the judge’s monologue
8: The Undead
Premise: A prostitute is
picked up off the street by a scruples-lacking disgraced psychiatrist, whose
trance therapy causes her to experiences past-life regression. She discovers that in the middle ages she was
once an accused witch who is to be
executed in a day’s time. The psychic
realizes that if he allows Diana to change Helene’s life while in the trance
she’ll bend history, and thus allows himself to be put under by a fellow
psychiatrist, so that he may find Diana and convince her to allow Helene to die
and keep the time stream from changing.
Little do they know that they’re dealing with the devil...
Inclusion Reasons: MST did
lots of Roger Corman films, and though I’ve included some other examples on
this list, this is one of the rare movies that works without the riffing and
yet can be enhanced by the wisecracking.
The plot is both complicated
enough to hold your interest and ridiculous enough to enjoy the riffing, so
it’s a double treat. Also watching poor
Tom’s ego get pricked by his failure to make it as an Observer is just plain
funny. I know this one includes the "STAY/SLEEP!" meme, but that had been a part of MST way before this episode aired!
Episode Highlights: Pretty much anything with DiggerSmolken, especially Digger SmolkenSings The Blues!
7: It Lives By Night
Premise: While on a quasi-honeymoon
with his new wife, a man is bitten by a bat and begins to develop vampiric
symptoms. Can medicine save himself or
his bride?
Inclusion Reasons: This is
the weirdest vampire movie I’ve ever seen in my life, a cross between
Frankenstein with a little bloodsucking thrown over the top like grandma’s
favorite afghan. The movie’s vibe combines the generic 70s-ness
of A Touch of Satan with the goofy erzats horror of stuff like The Incredible
Melting Man. It’s a combination that
settles comfortably into the SOL’s typical wheelhouse, and the riffing delivers
beautifully. Keep an eye out for Crow’s
bitter tribute to Mary Tyler Moore, the
episode’s best highlight.
Episode Highlights: Tom, Crow and Mike refurbish the SOL, especially the can; the aforementioned MTM tribute;
The entire nurse attack scene; the love scene
6: Squirm
Premise: A backwoods southern town is rattled when a lightning
storm causes its worm population to become carnivorous. Mick, an out-of-towner visiting his
flyfishing loving penpal, Geri, is tasked with saving Fly Creek before worms take it over, fighting both the hostile
populace and the worms alike for survival.
Inclusion Reasons: I
remember this being an incredibly controversial choice for MST back in the day;
Squirm is highly revered even now among horror fans, and to make it palatable
to a Sunday afternoon audience they had to delete much of the movie’s famous
gore. The end result leaves a seamy and over-the-top
gothic sort of feeling. I feel like this
is an episode that’s sort of been culturally overwhelmed by its accompanying
short; A Case of Spring Fever, with the ever-demonic Coily. Never the less, the movie’s main meat is more
than provided by the flick itself, managing to call up some actual scares along
with some great lines from Mike and the ‘Bots.
Episode Highlights: A Case of Spring Fever,
everything to do with the opening titlecrawl;
pretty much everything to do with the movie’s redneckishness, including this Ode to Billy Joe riff;
The awkward general store scene;
Tom as a southern belle;
Mike, Tom and Crow’s worm monologues
5: Kitten With a Whip
Premise: Desperate juvenile delinquent Jody Dvorak, on the run from
a detention center, breaks into the home of senate hopeful David. Threatening to lie to his vacationing wife
about being his new main squeeze, Jody sits in the catbird seat, inviting her
equally slang-loving and destructive pals in delinquency to come up and live
the good life with her. They ultimately
blackmail David into driving them all to Tijuana to see stripper Patricia
Tiara’s act. Everything crashes in on
them all when David’s friends and Jody’s abusive ex decide to rock the boat.
Inclusion Reasons: The
overheated melodrama here is absolutely the movie’s selling point and best
reason to be riffed, though Ann Margaret doesn’t quite give the kind of knowing
performance, setting the stage for her feral work in Tommy in a way. The movie’s goofily shocking and yet
repressed manner is terrific, and this contains a golden host segment in which
Crow fails to infiltrate Forester and Frank’s lair, the best use the Umbillicus
ever had, not including pie throwing.
Episode Highlights: Crow’s failed recon trip down the umbilicus toDeep 13; “Mistress!”; Kevin Murphy IS a kitten with awhip!; Patricia Tiara’s “Act”
4: Quest of the Delta Knights
Premise: A young peasant boy named Tee joins with
the secret society of the Delta Knights, teams up with a young Leonardo DaVinci
(no, really!) and a maiden named Thena to thwart the machinations of an evil
wizard and his wife and hopefully find the lost treasures of Archimedes.
Inclusion Reasons: QOTDK is basically Ren Faire: the Movie; beautifully campy, and taking itself unseriously from start to finish. This is a golden combination of memorable host segments and theatrical riffing (including Pearl’s only turn in the theater thus far), yet I rarely hear it talked about.
Episode Highlight: Pearl in the theater; The history of the Delta Knights: explained!; The Sir Thomas Neville Servo Consort of the Middle Ages Just After The PlagueSingers perform Aire on the Delta Knights; The Fort scene, including the infamous "I'm coming!" bit.
3: Tormented
Premise: Cheating jazz pianist Tom Stewart kills his lower class girlfriend
Vi so he can marry his upper crust fianceé Meg.
Unfortunately Vi’s not about to let Tom go and begins haunting him with
ghostly apparitions, slowly driving him mad, though no one but Meg’s little
sister Sandy notices until it’s too late.
Inclusion Reasons: This is
another one that often slips through the cracks; funny riffing that catches
everything that’s hilarious about Burt I Gordon’s work without belaboring the
point (and Gordon’s work, as always, is
frustratingly competently incompetent) abounds, and you’ll never see a funnier
host segment than Tom, Crow and Joel throwing singers they each dislike from
the top of a miniature lighthouse in effigy.
Episode Highlights: “Sessions Presents!” (And one more for good measure); the extremely darkly comic take on Tom’s finding Vi’s body in the water;
Everything in the final sequence including that great Faces of Death joke
2: Girl’s Town
Premise: While defending
herself from an attempted rape, Mary Lee Morgan’s would-be attacker falls off a
cliff. Mary’s big sister, Silver, takes
the rap for her and is sentenced to Girl’s Town, a sort of juvenile hall run by
nuns. While there, Silver bonds with
Serafina, whose hopeless stalking of famous teen sensation Jimmy Parlow is
handled with an astronomical amount of good humor from the target. After an adjustment period filled with
misadventure, Silver starts walking the straight and narrow path of goodness,
only to learn that her sister’s being blackmailed by Fred, the attacker’s
friend. Silver is tempted to break the
rules to rush to her sister’s aid, endangering her life, her newfound
reputation with the folks at Girls Town and Mary Lee’s safety.
Inclusion Reasons: What a
cast! What a (wonderfully ridiculous)
story! The camp factor, much like Quest
of the Delta Knights and The Sword and the Dragon, was already inherent in the
movie’s very fabric, but unlike Untamed Youth the Riffing seems to rollick
right along with the overstuffed, silly plot of the movie.
Episode Highlights: The riffing on the beach brawl;
Jimmy meets Serafina;
Go bingle your bongo!”;
Silver has a revelation
1: Angel’s Revenge
Premise: A nebbish schoolteacher tries to put an end to the drug
pushers who keep selling around her school and has had one of her students
beaten up, recruiting a stuntwoman, a policewoman, a karate teacher, a model, a
famous Las Vegas entertainer (who happens to be the sister of the injured boy) and
(quite against the team's general will) the pesky kid sister of said entertainer and forming a
butt-kicking squad!
Inclusion Reasons: Angels’
Revenge is, in a lot of ways, the ultimate pinnacle of the many 70s movies MST
has ripped apart. Clearly identifiable
as to what it’s parodying, stuffed with embarrassed actors doing cameos and
awkwardly staged t & a shots, it rolls up the smiley disco aesthetic of
Riding with Death into the action montagery of Master Ninja and the overblown
jiggle of Untamed Youth, making the ultimate MST3K rollwich of obscurity. Bon appétit!
"Tommy Kirk in little pants!"
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